


Foregiveness Hurts

by thecatmeowsalot



Category: Kylo Ren - Fandom, Rey - Fandom, Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars, Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Fandom, ben solo - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Reylo Sin Anthology, Sexy, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2019-03-24 14:31:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13813161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecatmeowsalot/pseuds/thecatmeowsalot
Summary: After the end of The Last Jedi, Kylo Ren is struggling with his duties.  When the force bond opens, Kylo is forced to face his reality instead of running from the truth.  Definitely smutty!





	Foregiveness Hurts

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Find me on thecatmeowsalot on tumblr where I show anything Star Wars, Marvel, and DC related. Enjoy!!

It had been weeks since he’d last seen her silhouette fade away as the door of the millennium falcon shut. In his sleep, he would dream of that night back in the throne room. Fire and ash spread throughout, falling between them as he held his hand out to her. She would take it and together they would change the galaxy into something new, something peaceful. As Kylo’s eyes would open, the dreams would all disappear again. He was left of the strict reminder of reality. He was forced to reconcile with his daily nightmares. 

Rey chose the Rebels. Kylo chose to stay with the dark. Snoke had been right about one thing; they were each other’s equals in the force, the light and the dark. Kylo knew that they would never be destined to be anything other than enemies, but he felt in his heart that there was something else. He couldn’t pinpoint what exactly, but the force bond existed for a reason.

Rey. The name hurt to think. As he closed his eyes, he saw her again; the lonely, scared look in her eyes as tears streamed down her face.

Kylo knew he couldn’t turn back to the light. Not after what he had done to his father, the pain he’d caused his mother. No, the only way to move forward would be to destroy everything he knew. Rey couldn’t understand such a thing. She could never live with the fact that she’d murdered her own flesh and blood just to prove that she was capable of such horrors. He was haunted by the feeling that Han was still watching him. Snoke was always a whisper away, even in death, convincing him to alienate himself. So many voices were screaming in his head that it was all he could do to stay silent. 

The pain came out in bits of anger against the storm troopers and General Hux. Not that he minded. They all were small pawns on his chess board. They’d do what he’d say, especially now that he was the Supreme Leader. But all he really wanted was for them to leave him alone.

Kylo walked into his living quarters and sat on his bed, the door sliding shut behind him. He dropped his head into his hands and took a deep breath. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t pretend that she doesn’t matter anymore. 

Suddenly, a prickling sensation shivered up his back, forcing Kylo to jerk his head up, searching through the black wisps that had fallen over his eyes. The air fell still as Kylo took a deep breath.

“Ben…” he heard Rey muster. “This isn’t a good time.” 

Her voice was pained. Kylo stood up and turned around to face her. “It’s not like we have much choice in the matter,” he stated. There she was, a few steps away, as beautiful and courageous as the day she left him. He looked into her eyes and saw a bitter sadness. Rey quickly averted his gaze and wiped away a tear. She had been crying. Why? 

“Why couldn’t you have come?” she whispered. Kylo couldn’t respond. He wouldn’t dare speak the truth after all he had done. As she once said, he was a monster. There was no changing a monster. 

“You choose to let the dark consume you, Ben. You know I tried to help you see the light, but I can’t change you. You have to do that.” The quiver in her voice had diminished. He took a step closer to her and slipped his gloves off his hands. 

“You can’t change a monster,” he mustered, gripping his gloves til his knuckles turned white.

“You aren’t a monster. I was wrong about that. You’ve done unspeakable things, but there’s good in you. I feel it when you look at me, Ben.” Kylo looked up at her. Rey’s eyes were sad, but also longing.

“I only ever feel normal when you call me that,” Kylo said while taking another step closer to her. 

“Ben? It’s who you are. Kylo Ren is just an excuse to no longer mask all your anger, all your pain. Ben is hiding behind a broken fragment of a person.”

Kylo paused, knowing he couldn’t hide any of the truth from her. Their bond was too powerful. 

He took a deep breathe in. “Rey, I’m sorry. I’m sorry about the rebels. I’m sorry about who I am. But I can’t change where I am now. Even if I wanted to join the light, there’d be too much in the way… I-I’m hopeless,” he said, dropping his gloves to the ground. Rey watched them as they fell and made a splattering noise hitting the floor. 

“There’s so much I’ve done that I can’t take back.” He paused, tears forming in his eyes. “Rey…. I’ve hurt you,” Kylo choked on each word. He ran his hand through his hair as she took another step toward him. It took everything in him to fight back the tears. All of his anger had finally turned into this raw, tiring pain.

“I’ve hurt you, too,” she said as she lifted her arm to his cheek. Kylo froze and watched as Rey traced her finger along the scar she’d given him months ago in that snowy forest. 

“No. Not that. I-I said that you were never alone and I blocked you off,” he stated. “I did it for selfish reasons, and now… Now I feel more lost than ever.”

Rey’s hand felt down his arm, slipping her fingers into his. “We’ve both made mistakes,” she said. “Especially with one another. You and I may be separate, but the Force keeps bringing us back together. Ben, I want nothing but the best for you, but you have to believe in yourself…”

Kylo moved forward, making them inches from each other. He lifted his hand out of Rey’s and followed her body’s curves upward with his finger tips. When he reached her face, Kylo placed his skin against her cheek, causing her lips to part, a small breath escaping. Her face was cold, her cheeks red. 

“ I believe in you,” he whispered.

The two looked into one another’s eyes, facing the pain that each had caused. Rey pressed her body into his, taking in his warmth. She paused for a moment, taking in how large he was compared to her. She stepped back and placed her hands on his chest, escalating Kylo’s breathing. A moment passed as he took her in her gentle, damp face.

“Why were you crying?” he asked, watching her soft brown eyes. She looked away and took in a breath, dropping her hands from his chest. 

“I have Finn, Poe, Leia, and now Rose, but something is still missing. This journey is one I have to take alone. I know that now, and it scares me. All I’ve ever wanted was to be with the ones I love, but I can’t do that anymore if I want to do the right thing. I guess I really am alone,” Rey stated, her head studying her shoes. Kylo reached his arm up and gently lifted her head up with his finger. 

“You know I’m here. We’re bonded together.” Rey looked up into his eyes, hers filling with tears. “I know your soul,” he said. He placed both hands on her cheeks, only beginning to realize their lips were mere inches apart. His heart beat faster, her smell intoxicating him. 

“Ben?” she whispered. 

“Yes?”

“Kiss me.”

Kylo’s heart skipped a beat. Suddenly he was pressed up against her soft lips. Rey’s arms surrounded him, their bodies melting into one another. Their mouths opened up to one another, his tongue sliding gently into her mouth. Startled, Rey pulled away. 

“Is this right?” she asked, her breathing having sped up. Kylo looked at her, wiping his mouth. “It’s the only thing that’s ever felt right,” he admitted to her. Through the force bond, he could feel her longing for his lips. She couldn’t dare hide such a strong emotion from him. “We can’t, Ben. You’re surrounded by the dark. I can’t let myself go back in this direction,” she stuttered. 

He strided over to her and gently pushed her back against the wall. Rey let out a breath, surprised at the sudden movement. She felt so small against his huge figure, unable and unwanting to move out from under him. Rey looked into his dark brown eyes, watching the storm in his head calculate why he would let his guard down like this around her. 

Rey felt herself give in. She knew there was no hiding either of their feelings for one another. Two broken souls had found a strength together.

This time Rey jumped on her toes and kissed him. Kylo let out a soft moan as their lips met. His body pressed into hers, the fabric of their clothes being the only separation from one another’s skin. Kylo’s lips trailed off of hers, gently pressing across her jaw and down towards her neck. 

Rey’s breathing was erratic. She stuffed her face into his neck as his kisses warmed her. “Ben…,” she trailed off. The sound of his name sent a shock down his spine. Before he knew it, he’d picked Rey off the ground, her legs around his waist and his hands on her ass. He brought his lips back to hers and explored her mouth with his tongue. She moaned softly into him. 

Kylo walked them over to the bed where he placed Rey. She suddenly realized his hips were placed in between her legs. Rey took in a deep breath and watched as Kylo removed his cowl. She studied how his arms flexed with his movements, causing Rey to bite her lip. Kylo dropped his cowl onto the floor beside him, never breaking eye contact with Rey. Her heart was beating faster every second. He leaned down against her, his warmth surrounding her small body. 

Kylo reached his hand up to her breast and gently squeezed. She closed her eyes and moaned softly. Rey felt her robes being pushed aside so that Kylo could feel her skin. She opened her eyes to see him gently kissing her breasts. Impatient, Rey pushed Kylo off of her to remove her robes. Stunned, Kylo watched her, mesmerized by the way her body moved. When she was done, Rey was left with only her underwear on. As she laid back down, her breasts parted, gently resting against her chest. Rey smiled nervously, never having been so vulnerable in front of anyone before. Kylo smirked and leaned down to her. Her body was so warm pressed into his. He pushed his lips against hers, his large hands trailing across her body. She shivered from the feeling.

“Are you okay?” Kylo breathed. His black hair had fallen over his dark eyes. She nodded. “I-I’m fine. I’ve just - never been touched like this before,” she responded. He stopped and looked into her eyes, leaning in to kiss her forehead. Rey smiled, biting her lip to try and hide how strong her desire was for him. 

Kylo kissed down her face and across her chest while slowly playing with her breasts. He pressed his lips against her stomach and down to her panty line. He looked up at her and watched as she reached her hands up to pull her hair. Kylo slowly removed the underwear off Rey, revealing her nakedness. 

Rey felt his finger move to her desire and began to stroke her. She let out a loud moan, one she didn’t believe she could make. “You’re so wet,” he gushed. Kylo took away his finger, replacing it with his tongue. He licked her up and down, slowly at first, then getting faster with each second. He enjoyed feeling her body squirm against him. Rey reached down and grabbed his black hair, pulling it as he stuck his tongue inside her. “Uhhh,” she moaned. Kylo let out a deep growl from inside her. He kept licking her desire while fingering her at the same time. “God, Ben,” she squealed. Rey couldn’t take it anymore, she wanted him.

She pushed his head away from her and grabbed his pants as he stumbled back. He watched in surprised as she unbuttoned his pants and removed them. She rubbed her hand along his underwear line, reaching down to softly touch his hard erection. Rey removed his underwear and watched as they dropped to the floor. 

Kylo was left naked, his erection hard in front of her. He was so much larger than she’d expected. Rey leaned in and kissed his stomach. She placed herself on her knees on the floor, bowing before him. Rey looked up at Kylo and back down at his member. She took it in her hands, making Kylo let out a large breath. She looked up and smiled sexily, knowing that she could make him do whatever she wanted now. Her hands slowly moved him back and forth before kissing his member gently. Kylo was unbelievably stiff, making Rey even wetter than she already was. She placed her tongue on him, licking up his shaft and circling the tip. Curious, she put him in her mouth. Kylo let out a moan, grabbing the side of her face as she moved herself back and forth on him. She reached a hand up. His erection was so long that she needed to use her hand and mouth. Rey looked up to see Kylo’s eyes closed, black hair flowing down his face. Rey reached her other hand down toward her desire and began fingering herself. The two moaned as they felt their intensities with one another.

Kylo grabbed her and stopped Rey from her doings. Before she knew it, he’d picked her up and placed her back on the bed. He stopped and stared, wanting her so badly. 

“Do you want to?” he asked hesitantly. She tilted her head to one side and paused. “I trust you,” Rey said. Kylo got on the bed and watched Rey spread her legs apart. He leaned onto her body, his tip pressing into her. “Are you sure?” he asked. Rey looked into his brown stormy eyes. “I’ve never been more sure,” she whispered. 

Kylo kissed her cheek and gently thrusted himself into her. Rey’s body curved into his, feeling every inch fill her walls. She bit her lip as he exited her again. Kylo positioned one of his hands against her waist and the other on her cheek. He thrusted into her once more, this one faster. Rey listened to Kylo moan against her body, the two slowly forming into one. Kylo gained a rhythm pressing his hips into hers, driving Rey crazy. She took one of his fingers from her cheek and began sucking on it. Kylo’s eyes darted to her and stared intently. “God, Rey…,” he trailed off, his eyes closing. She moaned, feeling him fill her over and over again. 

“Please don’t stop,” she began repeating. Rey reached up and pushed Kylo’s hair back from his face, leaning up to kiss him. She could feel his muscles moving against her body as he pushed himself into her. Rey so badly wanted more. 

Suddenly, she grabbed his wrists and flipped him onto his back. Kylo looked shocked, his lips parting. Rey was now on top. He ran his hands through his ebony hair as she began to ride him. She moaned as her hips moved up and down against his body. Kylo reach a hand up and squeezed her breast. With his other hand, he took her hair out of it’s bun. Rey’s hair fell over her shoulders as she rode him. 

“You’re so fucking sexy,” Kylo muttered under his breath. Rey leaned in to give him a kiss, never stopping the motion in her hips. “You’re so big,” she whispered into his ear. Kylo snapped and flipped her back over. She let out a giant breath, surprised at how rough and gentle he could be at the same time. This time he began to pound himself into her. She squealed, fully enjoying the pain. 

“Ben!” she yelled as his hair waved over her face. Suddenly, Rey began to feel her climax approaching. “Oh god, Ben. That’s the spot!” Rey curved her body up against Kylo’s. 

“Say my name,” he managed to say. Rey smiled, her pleasure building. “Ben… Ben… fuck me, Ben,” she stuttered. 

Stars. Rey saw stars and let out a deep moan. She quivered against him, causing Kylo to growl. He slowed down, moving himself gently into her quaking body. When Rey finished, she opened her eyes to find Kylo’s dark red lips reaching in to kiss her. He pressed his hips into her a few more times. “I’m gonna come, Rey,” he said. 

“Come for me,” she responded.

In one swift movement, Kylo had pulled out of her and was stroking himself. His cum fell onto her stomach like warm water. She reached down when he was finished and took some on her finger. Kylo watched as Rey licked the cum. “You can’t make me want you more after we just had sex,” he said. She giggled, enjoying the taste on her tongue.

Kylo walked into a different room and came back with a towel. He wiped his cum off her stomach, taking his time so as to watch her body. When he was done, he threw the towel to the side and kissed her chest. Kylo laid down beside her. Rey turned to him and looked in his eyes. 

“I didn’t know that was going to happen,” she said. 

“Me neither. But I’m glad it did,” he smiled. Rey curled into his body.

“Don’t ever leave me,” she sleepily mustered. “How could I ever?” he responded, kissing her forehead. The two fell silent, enjoying one another’s company.

Soon enough, Rey fell asleep. Kylo tried his hardest to stay awake. He knew the moment his eyes closed that the force bond would break. He studied her face, trying to remember every curve, every imperfection. He didn’t want to let her go. 

The next morning he awoke, she had disappeared. There was no crease in his sheets to show she was once in his bed. The only proof that she was ever there was the towel on the floor. Kylo rubbed his eyes, slowly waking. He pressed his hand against his chest, remembering the feel of her fingertips touching him. Kylo smiled, knowing he’d truly fallen for her. I love her. He couldn’t deny that truth. The two were still light years away from one another, but he’d never felt closer to Rey. 

Kylo couldn’t deny the light in him anymore. It was because of the light that he was able to love Rey. 

Kylo stood up and dressed himself for the day, preparing to surrender to the rebels. It was time he come home.


End file.
